I thought about making this my new tagline…

Ξ August 7th, 2007 | → 12 Comments | ∇ Deployment, Just Fun Stuff, Navy Life |

But I thought I might get some bad google searches…

I think I’m me again

Ξ June 23rd, 2007 | → 7 Comments | ∇ Deployment, Navy Life |

So it’s been a few days since I’ve burst into tears.

And while I’m definitely sad, especially in the evening when there is no one to hang out with, I feel more like myself again.

And I don’t feel the need to beg my husband to please, please get out of the Navy and never ever leave me again.

Because I seriously was on the verge of doing just that a few days ago.

The truth is, there are a lot of benefits to his being in the Navy. The insurance is great, we get to travel and meet new friends all over the world, some day the retirement will be pretty good, I have a common bond with a lot of people that I wouldn’t normally have a lot in common with…

But I think one of the most surprising things, to me, about having my husband in the Navy, is the depth of respect it has given me for him. I mean, of course I respected him enough to marry him. And I knew before we started dating that he would be in the Navy. He was ROTC in college when we met, and when we started dating it was with the understanding that I would need to be willing to marry someone in the military. And if I wasn’t, then there was no reason for us to date.

But before you are married you can’t possibly understand the full extent of the bond you develop, or what it means to be one.

Or that when your husband is gone, part of you is very much gone with him.

But I love him so much more, and respect him so much more, for the fact that he did not just serve his time to pay the military back for his education and then get out. He truly wants to serve. He volunteered to go to Afghanistan two years ago when the call came out. We didn’t know at the time that they’d only give him 9 days notice that he’d be going, but I don’t think that would have made a difference. He wanted to help in the effort to build hospitals and buildings, and roads that would provide access to previously inaccessible people.

And the thing that resonates most deeply with me, is that I know he would give his life if necessary. Not just by being in a dangerous place, but that if it was called for, he would be the one to give his life in order to save his men or others in danger.

And while I really hope and pray that that never happens, I am proud to be his wife.

John 15:13: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

I can’t stop crying

Ξ June 15th, 2007 | → 8 Comments | ∇ Deployment, Navy Life |

Ya’ll, I don’t want to do this.

I know I can. I know God created me to be a strong, pretty independent person, and that when relying on Him I can do anything.

But I don’t want to.

And I can’t stop crying.

Not Quite Alone

Ξ June 14th, 2007 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Deployment, Navy Life |

So my husband left today.

AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING.

Why, WHY does the military think this is a good idea? Because it’s not hard enough to say goodbye, but you also have to get three small children up at O-dark-thirty when they are at their very best, of course.

I am now ready to spend a week in my pajamas in a dark house eating nothing but cookie dough and brownies from the pan and watching Food Network and reading shallow novels.

Or at least that’s what I would do if I didn’t have to, you know, feed and care for three children.

And work at VBS all next week.

Life goes on, I guess, even when I’d just rather sleep through the next six months.

I’m going to lose it any time now

Ξ June 8th, 2007 | → 7 Comments | ∇ Deployment, Everyday Stuff, Navy Life |

I had these visions of writing a heartbreakingly eloquent post about my husband deploying next week. It was going to be one of those transparent, honest posts that reflected my sadness that he’s leaving as well as my pride in the work he does.

With a video clip from the movie “We Were Soldiers.”

But what it comes down to is that I’m Just. So. Sad.

I’m going to miss him so much. And I just want to sit and have a good cry.

But I don’t want to burden him with all of my emotions when he has his own to deal with. He’s going to miss another round of birthdays and our wedding anniversary. He already missed Luke learning how to crawl, walk and talk, and now he’ll miss Audrey learning to do all those things. The other day he sat down with the kids to watch a special Elmo video made for the military. He cried got something manly stuck in his eye when Elmo’s daddy had to go away for a long time.

So I need a good cry. And I’ll probably need several more in the first few weeks of him being gone.

And another in the middle when I realize how long he still has left.

And another when he’s almost home and I just can’t wait that last month.

But until then I’m going to fight the temptation to avoid all this by sleeping as much as humanly possible and enjoy the family time we have left.